Sussie

http://vimeo.com/13881259

Here I am ... ?

So finally I decided to put my thoughts in a text again.
Yeah it seems like a lot of time has passed but actually for me it seems like a week or so, probably because nothing significant happened, during this time period.

I am so looking forward for the winter holidays, the weather is starting to get a bit chilly even this morning it was, so windy my hair felt like it had its own mind shifting from one side to the other and occasionally in my mouth.
Please do feel my pain, I bough new ski’s (I am so getting ready for the season) and from another place I bought bindings, but guess what? There are no screws inside the box, I when to Home Depot they have those ugly metal screws that will just look, so bad and will definitely not work, so I am in the pursuit of searching for stainless black screws, and by far this is the most weird thing I’ve searched on the web for … but who knows what I’ll come across over the next 20years.

I have also been anti-internet-social, I deleted or so, my Facebook account I haven’t log on to Skype … the only connection with friends that live far away from me was the phone, which god damn it tends to get a bit expensive but I am stubborn and don’t want to add text messaging to my plan, cause once I know I have like 100000000free text well … I’ll be texting like crazy.
Yeah, and while I was typing this my phone rang and I lost all of my motivation and my though, so I guess I’ll be leaving the post like this, but I will be active these days, and post some more of my confused thoughts that manage to confuse me most of the time.
Ahh … it’s so good to feel like talking to yourself but not exactly, hah … : )

Mmhhhh....

I just can't think of anything rather than my random life ... I'm sorry ! SMILE !

What's wrong with me?

Great thing about movies is that, you can call "cut" and it all stops. The explosions and shootings stop. Nobody's angry, in love, or even the least bit excited. There's no tension or decisions to be made. Not until they call "action". That's the thing about real life.
There’s no time out’s.
No do over’s. It's all live. The time. The emotions. . .
And still when we get old we look back, and see that untouched movie that’s actually our life.
Now I am not someone who knows much about the movie industry, I work in the Department of Economic Development, and I see all of those people that have the same “movie” every day, they come to work they go home, on Mondays they always talk what they did with their kids on the weekend. And this is real life actually and they are happy, even though for me I don’t see happiness I see a daily routine, I see a boring life, I see no time for yourself, and I wonder what's wrong with me?

WOW :)

So, My B-day was what? - 25days ago!? And you did not managed to call, e-mail or text me! Instead 25 days later I get this super-duper-cute charm bracelet (Marc Jacobs) from YOU?
Is this your excuse?
Gifts cant buy me! ( but it's sure cute and I'm writing with it now, and its scratching my computer ! ) Hhmmmm :) THANKS FOR MAKING IT UP!!! But next time just a smile, on my DAY - MAY DAY, will do !!!

Danke Schoen, Du machst mich so glücklich!

'lil love

The inspiration for my last post comes from this amazing movie:

Keinohrhasen / Rabbit with no ears

You should really see it, the trailer doesn't really show the true nature of the film, but still...
and plus I can't pass by, without saying how GREAT is Til Schweiger! Not only does he still look quite sexy for his age, but that's actually his film, and it's brilliant.

My Mornings...

I would love to wake up saying:
Good Morning, Sun!
Good Morning, World Peace!
Good Morning, it’s indeed a good one!
Good Morning, to you and you and you!
Good Morning, Mr.NON Traffic Highway!
Good Morning, My sweet unique non-taken-by some weirdo parking place!

Instead I wake-up saying:
Good Morning, Alarm clock, I would love to hit the SNOOZE button but I’ve got to read all of my text messages from people who think I am available 24/7 for whatever, so I’m sorry but I won’t sleep 5mins. , longer!
Good Morning, Mr. Cold Shower!
Good Morning, Rainy weather!
Good Morning, Traffic!
Good Morning, (to the parking security guy) Am I going to find a spot today or we are all full, again?

As simple as I can

I’ve got a new job – it’s great, perfect, it takes a lot of my time which gives me the motivation to show the true professional in me.

Other than that people around me are getting married, seriously 3 - BRAND NEW FAMILY’S, or the way I see it 3-lost friends … when you think about it it’s sad, really sad now you have to think of their partner, kids, you won’t be able to see them when you want, you can’t expect any more mid-night visits, going out, getting wild, now they have family’s and they have to be responsible - I don’t blame them, I am even happy for them … but I cant help thinking of the day that this will hit me, or if it will ever happen?

What else … the weather was pretty hot the past 2 weeks, so I got some tan, which is great.

Amm I decided to go the old fashioned way and print some of my late photos after all they are all in my computer, and I haven’t had any real paper albums in years, so I made one with pictures from the past years that did bring me back to a lot of beautiful moments and that I’ve actually “BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT” … as I’m writing this I smile, because I’m proud of who I am and proud of what I have accomplished, and this been said, sit down think of what you’ve done and give your self the sweetest smile ever, cause you deserve it, cause we all deserve it. SMILE :)

...

It's my B-day tomorrow (May 1st) and this blogger thing tells me that my blog has been visited 666 times ... whatever, I've never been into the whole number thing other than that nothing really inspires me and I am not quite sure why ... OVER.

We live in a matrix…

Well … it all starts before you are even born … your parents assume what gender you are, than buy all pink if you are a girl and all blue if you are a boy … they arrange a list of names for you, possible bank account where they deposit a little every month, so one day you can attend college…. Yes …. This happens to many of us and probably that’s what family is about making grand plans for your children and I am not saying its wrong … its just … all too scheduled.
Ones you are born you all know what happens….
Kindergarten, well some of us are lucky not to attend that mini jungle …
Elementary School
Middle School
High School
College
University
A solid carrier
Wife/Husband
Kids
and one’s you retire you sit and watch how the cycle continues through your generation, and no matter if you do something out of the ordinary, or go out every night for a drink from the age of 16th…. you are still again in the matrix even if you go camping instead of going to 5star hotels..it doesn’t make a difference if you enjoy nature or some kind of sport you are in the matrix … so … I ask WHY ?! And maybe everybody has their own answer and explanation, but I just want to say that I feel sad … we are so little and there are things much more greater than us and our lives that,
I no longer feel special … I don’t feel proud of what I have accomplish I feel empty and I am not sure what am I missing…. but the feeling is harsh.

Narcissism rhyming time

So, I am born to be a loner, come on who are we kidding here, I simply enjoy the company of my self.
I amuse me quite well, talk to me all the time, think of me with ME. I work for me, work toward me, sleep with me, dream of me, make stuff that suit only me, make appointments concerning and in a good time only for me. I , I , I satisfy myself quite right, I NEVER DISAPPOINT ME, I mean I’ve been down and crushed quite, so many times, but this was never caused by me.
I love me, I love the way I spend my time, I love the way I live, I think that no one understands me and that’s quite a sad relief, I love it when I walk down the street it seems a luscious trail, I love it when I hurt my self its always so damn well, I love it when I talk to you I hear me talking back, I love it when it seems all white but after dark its always black, I love it when I go to bed and listen to my empty head, I love me when I go nowhere and still I’m here instead, I JUST LOVE IT WHEN I TALK BULLSHIT : )

P.S. You fulfill me.

Picture: Pyramid of Wild and Egoism
By: Rethname (or whatever your name is ... )

The list on a moody Monday

Getting up – Checked

Waking up – Never

Walking out the door – yes, but getting in my car so ..

Walking – Not checked – getting out – Checked

Starting the morning with something hot, fresh and enjoyable, lady’s come on I’m talking about Tea&Lemon not the guy in the black shirt from last night!!!

Getting into work – Okay I’m in here, but am I working?-Not really!

Sure I am, I am working toward becoming a better person, by analyzing and trying to learn the names of my new colleagues that I still do not know and assuming I do not want to know… I am working hard on that one!

Monday, Monday, Monday ….. Damn how come it’s always Monday that is so fucked up I am pretty sure there is something to do with the Weekend being all nice … Mr. W. you have just been accused into making Mr. M. such a badass that everybody has a headache from … okay, okay back into reality please.

Shopping – Checked

I went to the store, I cruised around in it (several bloody times) and after 40min. of looking at the food I realized I am not hungry today … or I sure don’t know what I want to eat, that combined with my sentimental thoughts got me thinking that I need someone to be there for me, not friends I already have enough, I can’t handle to send more B-day cards without forgetting anyone, not a dog I have that too, actually its more of my mom’s dog now … I need someone to surprise me, to cook for me … to clean hmmm it sounds like I need a housekeeper but that really isn’t on my list …

hmm hmm hmm WHO DOESN’T LIKE MONDAYS HUH ? They sure get you thinking about stuff - don’t they? … Ohh damn you Mr. Weekend and your bloody alcohol ! ! !
As long as Sunday nights are blurry, Mondays are always going to be moody – remember that one you’ll read it someday in someone’s rehab file.